Hurts Like Heaven
by memellymoo
Summary: When Rachel is the centre of a media scandal Santana is forced to try and put the past behind her to protect the ones she loves. FutureFic.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Hurts Like Heaven

**Pairing: **Rachel/Santana

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee I am just borrowing the characters for a little while.

**Summary: **When Rachel is the centre of a media scandal Santana is forced to try and put the past behind her to protect the ones she loves. FutureFic.

**Authors note: **This is my first attempt at writing fanfic but the pairing of Santana and Rachel has always intrigued me and this little plot came to me about 6 months ago and just wouldn't go away. I had about 7 chapters written before I decided to post but it has undergone some massive rewrites as certain plot lines were a bit too similar to recent tragic events. Also this is unbeta'd so any mistakes are all mine.

1. "All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces."

Cursing under her breath Santana slammed her hand hard against the steering wheel as she drove towards a large metal gate, trying to avoid running over the pack of paparazzi that was assembled outside. Putting her foot on the pedal she smirked to herself, whilst knocking them down was out of the question she could hardly be blamed if someone's foot got in the way of her front wheels now could she?

Reaching her hand out of the window she ignored the obscene questions that were being shouted at her as she touched her entry card to the lock.

Parking behind a large Range Rover that she immediately recognized as belonging to one Rachel Berry she got out of the car, removed her aviators she slammed her door shut, ignoring the way it seemed to echo through her head. She was functioning on less than 2 hours sleep in 2 days, and a manic drive to JFK, followed by a 7 hour wait to get a standby flight to LAX and then a cross country flight that seemed to take forever was beginning to take it's toll on her psyche.

Reaching up she rang the bell, waiting a few seconds she lifted her hand and knocked hard on the glass panel.

"How the hell did you get in here-"

The door flung open to reveal a tall, dark haired man dressed in jeans and an LA Lakers tee. "What rag are you with? Because believe me now when I say that I will be on the phone to your supervisor quicker than you can say pink slip."

"Rag? Pink slip?" Santana questioned, her brows furrowed in confusion.

"Actually never mind, I'm going to count to 10 and if you are not off this property before I reach 5 I will be calling the local-"

Hearing the man's rant realization suddenly dawned on Santana. "You think I'm one of those vultures out there?"

"Well aren't you?" he questioned, throwing her a look that could melt ice. "Only we are not expecting any other visitors."

Shaking her head Santana held up her fob. "I'm Santana Lopez, a friend of Rachel's and this is my property that you are trying to throw me off."

"I …Er …" the tall man stammered, suddenly lost for words.

"The only reason I didn't use my keys and let myself in is because I didn't want to startle Rachel, but if you don't move aside and let me in before I count to 3 then the only person collecting a pink slip will be you," Santana ordered as the man stepped aside to let her in.

Watching as Santana made her way into the house he closed the door behind her. "I'm sorry. Miss Berry didn't inform me that she was expecting anyone."

"That's because she isn't," Santana shrugged, trying to sound calmer than she felt. "Where is she?"

"I have strict instructions from Miss Berry that she is not to be disturbed by anyone," he told her, his voice wavering as Santana glared at him.

Laughing Santana dropped her sunglasses and keys down on the breakfast bar as she headed into the kitchen. "Sorry but did I not make myself clear before? I am not 'anyone' so I'm going to ask one more time; where is Rachel Berry?"

"I-"

"Look …" Santana trailed off suddenly realizing that she had no idea who this guy was, just another mystery to add to the worrying set of events that had led to her ditching a very important meeting and shelling out over $5000 on a standby flight to LA.

"Dom. I'm Dom, Ms Berry's publicist hired me to protect her from the vultures and unwanted visitors," Dom answered following Santana as she walked into the family room.

Stopping in her tracks Santana turned to face him. "That last bit better not have been aimed at me. Look … Dom, I'm sure you're very good at your job which is why Micah hired you but Rachel and I … well it's complicated but all you need to know is that I'm here now and if you continue for one more minute to stand in my way I will go all Lima Heights on your-"

"And believe me she will follow through on that threat," a third voice interjected, causing both Dom and Santana to end their stand-off and turn towards the her.

"Miss Berry, I am so sorry but she just won't take no for an answer, I've asked her to leave but," Dom sighed, turning to face his boss.

Rachel waved him off. "It's ok Dom, Santana's tenacity is just one of her many qualities."

"Rachel. Thank God, now will you please call off the guard dog and inform him that I have every right to be here," Santana said, rolling her eyes as she motioned towards Dom.

Smiling politely Rachel looked over at Dom. "Dom this is Santana Lopez she's my … this is her home and she is welcome here at all times. But thank you for looking out for me, Micah was right, you really are one of the best in the business."

Despite Rachel's words the three of them continued to stand in separate corners of the room as an uncomfortable silence settled across the family room. "What Miss Berry here is trying to say is thank-you for your input but you can leave now, go and prowl the grounds or whatever it was Micah hired you to do because Miss Berry and I need some alone time."

"Santana," Rachel warned.

Dom smiled in his boss's direction. "It's ok. If you need anything I'll be outside … prowling."

With that Dom left, leaving the two women alone for the first time in months, laughing to herself Santana moved over to one of the large, oversized sofa's and sat down. "What's with Lurch?"

"His name is Dominic and he's one of the best personal security agents in the business," Rachel replied not moving from her spot by the door.

"Is that Hollywood speak for bodyguard?" Santana asked, tilting her head to the side to try and get a look at the tiny Diva.

Rachel shrugged, taking a few tentative steps into the room. "I guess."

"Rae-"

"What are you doing here Santana?" Rachel asked, her voice thick with exhaustion.

Twisting on the spot Santana turned so that she could get a good look at her, trying not to let her alarm show as she took in the other woman's frail form, pale skin and bloodshot eyes. "Where else would I be when my family needs me?"

"We haven't been your family for a long time," Rachel whispered in reply to Santana's obvious rhetorical question.

"You'll always be my family Rachel," Santana insisted, standing up and walking over towards the broken Diva.

Rachel looked down at the ground. "I don't know what to do Santana. Everything is … Oh God … it's all …"

"What happened Rachel?" Santana questioned, wrapping her arms around the sobbing Diva and leading her towards the sofa.

"He … They … She …"

The heartbreaking sound of Rachel's sobs was broken by a loud scream as a small ball of energy came running into the lounge and jumped up onto Santana's lap.

"Mami," the tiny brunette squealed, positioning herself in between Santana and Rachel.

"Oh Baby-Girl," Santana smiled, trying not to cry as she ran her hands through the young girls hair. "I've missed you so much."

Leaning her head against Santana the young girl closed her eyes. "I've missed you too."

"I knew you'd come back, I just knew, knew, knew it," the little-girl insisted as she lifted her legs up and propped them up on Rachel's lap so that she was lying across both women.

"Lilah Rae what have I told you about running off," a familiar voice called out from the direction of the kitchen.

Looking up at Santana Lilah put her hand over her mouth. "Uh oh," she giggled.

"Yes. Uh oh is right," Rachel smiled, her cries momentarily calmed by her daughter's antics.

"Rach I'm so sorry-"

Pulling Lilah onto her lap Santana looked up into the familiar blue eyes of one Kurt Hummell. "Cat got your tongue?"

"Santana," Kurt exclaimed, his tone doing nothing to hide his obvious surprise at finding the one time Cheerio sat cuddled up with Lilah.

Ignoring Santana's presence Kurt turned his attention back to Rachel. "I'm so sorry Rachel, I just turned my back for one second."

"It's ok," Rachel reassured him before looking down at her daughter. "Lilah what have I told you about running off?"

Lilah frowned, her tiny nose wrinkling. "I didn't run off, I ran to you."

"You know you're supposed to stay with Kurt," Rachel informed her tiny, mischief-maker.

Sliding down off of Santana's lap Lilah placed her hands akimbo style on her hips before pointing her finger at some bubblegum pink dress that Kurt was hiding. "But Mama look what he was trying to make me wear."

"I'll have you know this is the finest is Children's couture," Kurt said holding up the item that seemed to have kicked off the morning's drama.

"But it's pink. And frilly. And it's all just so … yuk," Lilah argued turning her nose up at the outfit.

Dropping the dress onto the table Kurt shook his head. "I give up. I'm sorry Rachel but your daughter has less fashion sense than you."

"I have good fashion sense," Lilah proclaimed, turning towards Kurt as she stamped her bare foot down on the wooden floor. "I just don't like pink, and dresses and-"

"That's my girl," Santana chuckled.

As if suddenly remembering Santana's presence Lilah dropped her hands from her hips and plastered an innocent, pleading smile on her face. "Mami please don't let him make me wear pink."

"How about for one day only we declare this a pink free zone?" Santana suggested.

"Yay," Lilah sung, jumping back up onto Santana's lap and wrapping her arms around her shoulders.

Rachel watched the interaction between her daughter and Santana, her heart breaking as she realized that no matter how hard she tried it was getting harder and harder to protect Lilah from recent events. "Pink or no pink you still need to get dressed," she informed her daughter, lifting her hand and drawing Lilah's attention to the fact she was still dressed in a plain white oversized tee that came down to her knees.

"Oh yeah," Lilah giggled.

"How about I come and help you get dressed?" Santana offered, looking to Rachel who silently nodded in agreement.

Lilah nodded, wrapping her arms tighter around the Latino's shoulders as Santana stood up, carrying the youngster towards the stairs.

"What is she doing here?" Kurt asked, once he was certain that they were alone.

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "I guess she saw all of the … hyperbole that was being splashed across the tabloids and came to find out what was going on."

"And you're ok with that?" Kurt asked.

Rachel bit her bottom lip, silent tears falling. "I don't know how I feel about anything right now, but it's not about me is it, it's about Lilah."

"She seems happy to see her," Kurt observed.

Rachel nodded. "It's the happiest I've seen her in weeks."

"How much does she know?" Kurt asked, hating to bring the mood down even further but he needed to know exactly what he was and wasn't allowed to reveal to the other woman.

"I have no idea," Rachel admitted. "We haven't spoken in over a month and even then it was only to make arrangements for Lilah to fly to New York for Thanksgiving.

Kurt sat down on the table, ignoring the glare Rachel was sending him. "So she probably only knows the lies the media are spouting?"

"We haven't really had a chance to get into details," Rachel sighed, leaning her head against her hand.

"You want me to talk to her?" Kurt offered, not wanting Rachel to have to go through any more pain than she already was.

Closing her eyes Rachel shook her head. "No. Despite what happened I owe it to her to be honest with her, even though things are over between us she's still the only other parent Lilah has ever know and because of that … I owe her an explanation."

"It's just a shame she didn't show you the same consideration," Kurt spat.

"Kurt," Rachel warned.

Kurt knew he was treading on thin ice but he had been the only person, except perhaps Blaine who had seen exactly how much destruction had been caused when Santana left LA, leaving Rachel and Lilah behind.

"We both know that what happened between Santana and I was just as much my fault as it was hers," Rachel reminded him.

"She left you Rachel," Kurt argued.

Rachel took a long, deep breath to try and stop her tears from falling. "She thinks I left her first."

"Exactly. And did she give you a chance to explain? No. So you don't owe her anything Rachel, not when she didn't afford you the same respect," Kurt reasoned, while he still had a special place in his heart for Santana his main loyalty was with Rachel and the last thing he wanted was for her to build her hopes up only to have them destroyed all over again. Not when she was already dealing with so much.

Taking his hand in hers Rachel locked eyes with her best friend. "I love you Kurt. But you need to let me handle this on my own terms."

"Ok," Kurt agreed. "I know when to keep it zipped," he reassured her, as he pretended to zip his lips closed. "But just know one thing, no matter what happens I'm here for you. Blaine too."

"I love you," Rachel smiled untangling herself from her friend and pushing herself up off of the sofa.

Kurt watched as Rachel wrapped her arms around herself in a self protective manner. "You still want us to take Lilah out for the day?"

"Yeah," Rachel nodded. "We might have to physically untangle her from Santana but she needs to get out of the house, even if it is only for a few hours."

As if on cue Lilah came running into the room with Santana hot on her heels. "Mama I'm ready," the youngster exclaimed.

"How cute does she look?" Santana asked, as she took hold of Lilah's hand letting the youngster twirl around.

Rachel eyed her daughter's ensemble, she was wearing a pair of denim overalls, a white tee with black stars on it and a pair of red converse hi-tops. "With a capital C," she agreed.

"You ready?" Lilah asked as she let go of Santana's hand and walked over to Kurt.

Kurt nodded. "Lead the way," he smiled.

"Er aren't you forgetting something?" Rachel called after her daughter, kneeling down and scooping the young girl into her arms.

"Love you Mama," Lilah mumbled into her hair before placing a sloppy wet kiss on her cheek.

Standing up Rachel ran her hand through Lilah's messy curls. "Be good for Kurt and Blaine. Ok?"

"Always," Lilah sung, looking over her shoulder and flashing her mother a smile as she let Kurt lead her towards the front door.

Turning to Santana she couldn't help but smile. "She gets that from you."

"What the cheeky, loveable, wrap everyone around her little finger mischief maker side?" Santana laughed.

"Yep," Rachel agreed, shivering against a non-existent breeze as she realized that once again Santana and her were alone, well if you didn't include the pack of paparazzi that still gathered outside and the guard dog that was prowling the perimeter.

Watching as Rachel shifted her weight nervously from one foot to the other Santana knew that she was going to have to be the first to speak. "Are we ever going to address the elephant in the room?"

"I'll explain everything, I promise," Rachel assured her. "But this a conversation that needs coffee."

"Is everything still in the same place?" Santana asked.

Rachel nodded. "Do you mind if we sit outside?"

"Sounds good to me," Santana agreed. "I'll bring the coffee."

Walking outside Rachel sat down on the cozy outdoor furniture that she and Santana had picked out together when they first moved in. Closing her eyes she tried to remember back to happier times but recent events had clouded her ability to remember. Instead all she could feel was the pain, confusion, frustration and uncertainty that seemed to plague her every waking moment.

"I made a pot," Santana said, putting the enamel coffee pot down on the table.

Picking at the frayed edge of a cushion Rachel listened as Santana poured out 2 cups of coffee before adding a splash of soya milk to both.

"I don't know where to start," Rachel admitted.

"The start is always a good place," Santana prompted, curling her legs under her she picked up her cup of coffee, wrapping her hands around it she sat back and waited for Rachel to begin.


	2. Chapter 2

This part had undergone almost a complete rewrite which has had a domino effect on the following chapters so updates might not always be as fast coming. Thank you to everyone who read and added this to their favorites and a massive thanks to those who took the time to review.

2. "Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly."

Santana fought the urge to look at her watch, if her calculations were right that had been sat in silence for at least an hour now. The coffee pot had been drained dry and she was pretty certain that if this carried on for any longer Rachel would have picked the cushion bare.

"What did you say to Lilah?" Rachel asked, breaking the silence.

Santana wrinkled her nose. "When?"

"When you were up stairs helping her get dressed," Rachel replied. "Only I know Lilah and there was no way she would have left so easily with Kurt and Blaine unless there was something in it for her, she would have been too worried that she was missing out on something here."

Remembering back to her conversation with Lilah she couldn't help but smile. "I promised her that I would still be here when she got back."

"And?" Rachel prompted, knowing there must have been more to it than that.

"Apparently there's some children's ballet show on at the Hollywood Bowl that she really wants to go to, I might have also promised to take her to it," Santana admitted.

Rachel smiled, picturing in her head exactly how the conversation probably went, Lilah's chocolate brown orbs wide and pleading and her lips pouting as she wrapped Santana around her little finger.

Silence settled over them once again, as Santana watched Rachel shift uncomfortably in her seat, her tiny frame searching for the right position.

"Rae-"

"You've seen the headlines right?" Rachel asked.

Santana nodded. "Me and the rest of the world. But I want to hear the truth from you because the Rachel they're talking about is not the woman that I fell … that I know."

"Right, of course," Rachel stammered. "Let's … I know … How about … Why don't you tell me what you've read and I'll tell you the truth behind each one."

"Is that really how you want to do it?" Santana questioned, her brows furrowed.

Rachel let go of the cushion and rested her hands in her lap. "Seems like the simplest way, that way we can get everything out in the open and you get to hear the truth and not just the lies that are being printed."

"Ok," Santana agreed. "We'll do it your way."

"What do you want to know first?" Rachel asked, turning her body slightly because she wasn't sure if she could go through everything whilst looking Santana in the eyes.

Santana considered all of the stories and headlines she had read about Rachel before speaking. "Did you have an abortion?"

"No," Rachel whispered. "Things were complicated, you know that better than anyone. I was pregnant and you were gone, when things started to go wrong I really thought we would be able to figure it out, that once everything was out in the open we would be able to get through it. But-"

"You broke my heart Rachel and I tried, I really did try but every time I heard you throwing up on the bathroom or saw you rubbing your stomach it was harsh, painful reminder of just how little you respected everything we had," Santana countered.

"I-"

Santana held up her hand cutting Rachel off. "But that's not the point. We could go over what happened a million different ways but it's never going to change anything."

Remembering back to Santana's original question "When you left I was scared and alone but I wanted the baby, I didn't want Lilah to grow up as an only child like I did. About a month after-"

"I left," Santana finished for her.

Rachel nodded. "I was hiking with Blaine when I started to feel really off. At first I thought perhaps I was just dehydrated, it was a hot morning and I hadn't been keeping much down, morning sickness. Then the pain started, by the time I got to the hospital it was too late. I had already lost my baby … I … the doctors said that … it was gone, the baby I wanted so badly was gone."

"I'm so sorry," Santana apologized.

"It wasn't your fault," Rachel reassured her. "Just because … it wasn't your fault."

Reaching out Santana went to take Rachel's hand in hers but changed her mind at the last minute and let it drop into her lap. "Why is everyone saying you had an abortion?"

"Because I haven't told them any different, I shouldn't have to explain myself and losing … losing my baby wasn't exactly something I was ready to talk to people about, just because I'm in the public eye it doesn't mean they have a right to know everything, there's some parts of my life that I should be allowed to keep as mine," Rachel cried.

Her reluctance of earlier forgotten Santana reached out and took Rachel's hand in hers, letting the broken Diva know that she was there even though she was still facing away from her. "I get that."

"Can we move on to something else now?" Rachel pleaded, her voice thick with the tears Santana knew were falling even though she couldn't see her face.

The next one Santana knew was a lie, with every fiber of her being she knew that it was a story that had been fabricated by journalists to sell magazines and fill in the blanks. A story they had made up because Rachel wouldn't fill them in herself, but still she had to ask, she needed to hear Rachel deny it herself. "The suicide attempt?" she asked, practically choking on the words as they spilled from her lips.

Rachel was silent for the time it took Santana to braid and unbraid her hair before she finally spoke. "I didn't try to kill myself."

"I knew … I know, I just had to ask, I mean they had pictures of you leaving the hospital and since then you've not really been seen in public," Santana pointed out.

"It's not my fault they put 2 and 2 together and came up with 500," Rachel breathed, as she picked nervously at her nails.

Santa ran her thumb across the back of Rachel's hand. "Was it the miscarriage is that why you were in hospital?"

"No," Rachel admitted, her voice barely audible as the sprinklers behind them kicked into action. "At least not the time they're talking about."

Santana hated that she hadn't been there, that she had let her pain and pride get in the way of being with Rachel and Lilah when they needed her. "Why-"

"Part of the story was correct," Rachel finally admitted. "Lilah and I were alone in the house and I collapsed, my terrified 5-year-old walked into the kitchen to find me passed out on the floor, but she was raised by the two of us and she knows how to keep calm in a crisis, she found my cell phone and dialed the first number in my book, Kurt was here in under 10 minutes and he called an ambulance. And that was the only truth in the lies," she finished, her eyes feeling heavy as the emotional exhaustion she was feeling started to have a physical manifestation.

Santana moved across so that she was mere inches from Rachel, reaching her hand up she wiped away the tears that fell down her pale cheeks, the only part of Rachel's face that she could see. "And the rest?"

"I had pneumonia. Since the miscarriage I hadn't exactly been taking the best care of myself, coffee became my breakfast, lunch and dinner and sleep something I only pretended to do. Lilah picked up an influenza bug from school and my immune system wasn't as robust as it normally is so just as she was recovering I came down with the same bug, only my defenses were not as strong as hers and the influenza quickly turned into a nasty case of pneumonia," Rachel explained.

Leaning her head back so that it was practically resting on Santana's shoulder Rachel gave herself a few moments to try and regain an equilibrium before continuing. "By the time I was released from hospital the media had already picked up on the story and before you know it a miscarriage and pneumonia had become an abortion and a suicide attempt, I thought that if I just kept quiet, got on with my life them it would all go away and they'd find another story."

"But judging by the masses outside-"

"It was dying down, stories about me were relegated to page 9 and online blogs only, but then with what happened a few days ago it was all back to the front pages and everything that happened over the last few months was being rehashed again and again on every entertainment news channel," Rachel stammered, her frustration at the situation evident in her tone.

Santana had seen the stills and footage that Rachel was talking about but as with everything else knew that the truth was probably a world away from what they were reporting.

"I was picking Lilah up from dance class," Rachel began without any prompting from Santana. "It was the first time I had left the house since being discharged from hospital, but Lilah was beginning to notice that something was up and I didn't want her to worry so I decided to pick her up. What I wasn't counting on was the hoard of reporters that would be waiting outside the school for me," she continued, her voice cracking.

"I can deal with them coming after me, I'm an adult and I can handle it but Lilah? She's just an innocent child she didn't sign up for this and she shouldn't have to deal with it. So when they started putting their cameras in her face and shouting questions about suicide attempts, broken relationships and abortions in front of my 5-year-old daughter I lost it, I know I shouldn't have and I know I handed them all the ammunition they needed to back up the stories but Lilah's my baby. I'm her mother, it's my job to protect her and keep her safe," Rachel cried finally turning her head so that Santana could see the pain in her eyes.

Wiping the Diva's tears Santana wrapped her arms around her, in a desperate bid to try and protect her from everything even though she knew it was impossible. "Everyone has a breaking point Rach, you're a great mother and everyone that matters knows that."

"I threw my coffee at them," Rachel shyly admitted.

Santana shrugged. "I saw the pictures. It was an iced coffee, so it's not like you scolded anyone."

Rachel couldn't help but laugh at Santana. The Latino had always known what to say or do to make her laugh, it was one of the things that had first attracted her to the cheerleader in the first place.

"Maybe so but it gave them everything they needed to add all the stories together and come to the conclusion that I was some unfit, rage-filled, suicidal psycho who was in the midst of a breakdown and incapable of looking after her own child. The minute the footage went viral and the story broke family services were on my doorstep," Rachel sobbed, her whole body shaking with pain and fear.

Santana ran her hand through Rachel's hair. "No one is going to take Lilah away from you. Ever."

"I can deal with everything they've thrown at me, because I know the difference between truth and lies but Lilah's 5-years-old, she's an innocent in all of this but all of a sudden every grazed knee, dirty top and tear-stained face she's every been pictured with is being used against me," Rachel worried, the idea of losing her daughter more terrifying than any other fate she had ever faced.

"They are not taking Lilah from you, they can't find proof that isn't there, so let family services come in and do their thing and all they will find is the undeniable truth that you are an amazing, strong woman who has had a few hellish months and that Lilah is the luckiest kid on the planet because she's your kid," Santana vowed, pulling Rachel closer to her.

"Our kid," Rachel corrected.

Santana felt her breath catch in her throat. "What?"

"Lilah, she's our daughter," Rachel clarified. "Whatever has happened between us will never change the fact that Lilah is your child too, you were the one who held my hand and made me sweet tea during the never ending morning sickness, you cut the cord when she was born, held her and helped me chose her name, we raised her together Santana, you are the only other parent she has ever known and the only one I ever want her to know. You're her Mami and nothing will chance that. Ever."

Leaning forward Santana rested her face against Rachel's so that they were cheek-to-cheek. "Thank-you."

"How long are you staying for?" Rachel asked, needing to get out of the past and instead focus on the future.

"For as long as my family needs me," Santana promised, helping Rachel to her feet and leading her into the house. "You look tired."

Leaning into Santana's familiar form Rachel allowed her guard to drop, while Kurt and Blaine had been amazing there was something instantly relaxing about being in Santana's presence, it made her feel like she wasn't alone in the world and that there was someone else out there who would fight for her family just as fiercely as she would.

"I haven't exactly been sleeping well," Rachel admitted.

"Well we need to try and do something about that," Santana whispered as she helped Rachel down onto the sofa.

Rachel tucked her legs under herself, still not letting go of Santana's hand. "Will you stay with me?"

"I'm here for as long as you need me," Santana reassured her, repeating her promise of forever.

"What if that's forever?" Rachel asked, her voice heavy with sleep.

Santana closed her eyes for a few seconds before speaking. "I know things are difficult right now Rach and I know so much has happened, things were said, things that I know we probably both regret and that's not just going to disappear overnight but you and Lilah are my family and if you need me here then this is where I'm going to be."

Pulling on Santana's hand Rachel pulled her down onto the sofa with her. "Lie with me?"

"Sure," Santana smiled.

Snuggling into Santana Rachel closed her eyes, comforted by her familiar scent and shape. "I've always slept better with you."


	3. Chapter 3

3. "Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind."

"Rachel."

"Rachel."

"Rachel Barbra Berry."

Looking down at the sleeping woman in her arms Santana frowned at the increasingly shrill tone of one Kurt Hummel. "Will you zip it," Santana whispered as Kurt entered the family room.

"Sorry," Kurt apologized as his eyes rested on the sleeping Diva.

"Where's Lilah?" Santana questioned, spotting that the youngster wasn't with him.

Kurt motioned towards the window. "Helping Blaine unload the car, we picked up some groceries on the way home."

"Good. From the looks of it she hasn't had a decent meal in weeks," Santana sadly observed as she took in Rachel's frail frame, the other woman had always been petite but since Santana had last seen her she'd gone from healthy to a walking skeleton.

Taking Santana's observation as a dig at his ability to look out for his friend Kurt felt his anger rising. "We've been doing our best."

"I know," Santana smiled, trying to calm the fashion designer's growing temper.

"No you don't," Kurt retorted. "You have no idea what it's been like because you left. You left Santana and you walked away from Rachel and Lilah leaving Blaine and I to try and pick up the pieces. We've practically had to put our lives on hold but still it wasn't enough and you know why? Because we weren't you."

Santana looked down at Rachel, relieved that she was still sleeping despite the argument that was growing around her. "You don't get to judge me Kurt. I did what I had to do."

"No Santana, you did what you had to do for you and everyone else be damned, never mind the fact you had a young daughter and a pregnant wi …girl … they needed you," Kurt raged, keeping his voice low mindful that Rachel was sleeping just feet away from him.

"Perhaps you should take this somewhere else," Blaine suggested walking in on the tail end of the argument carrying Lilah on his hip.

Scrambling down out of Blaine's arms Lilah ran over to the sofa. "Mami. You're still here, I was so, so, so worried you would have gone again."

Kurt threw Santana a knowing look letting her know without saying it that he blamed her and her alone for Lilah's growing insecurities.

"Of course I'm still here Mija," Santana reassured the youngster.

"Good. Because I don't want you to ever leave again," Lilah exclaimed, pulling herself up onto the sofa and sitting on the opposite side of Santana. "Mama's sleeping," she smiled.

Santana nodded, looking down at her daughter and watching as her eyes fluttered shut. "Looks like someone else is sleepy too."

"Little bit," Lilah admitted.

Wrapping her free arm around her Santana pulled her close. "Want to snuggle with us?"

"Snuggle time is my favorite," Lilah smiled, resting her head on Santana's stomach.

"Mine too," Santana admitted.

Walking over to his husband Blaine whispered into Kurt's ear. "I think this is our cue to leave."

"I'm not going anywhere," Kurt stubbornly insisted.

"Kurt," Blaine warned.

Knowing that his husband was right and that as much as he wanted to stay and protect Lilah and Rachel he couldn't and although it pained him to admit it perhaps leaving Rachel, Santana and Lilah alone to work things through was in everyone's best interest.

"When Rachel wakes up make sure that she knows we're only a phone call away," Kurt requested, before he turned to leave, with a final glance at the small family snuggled on the sofa he couldn't help but notice how perfect the scene looked. But Kurt had done a lot of growing up since leaving Ohio and he knew that as with everything in life looks could be deceiving and perfect was never what it seemed.

"I don't want to sleep," Lilah mumbled her voice thick with sleep.

"Why not?" Santana asked.

Lilah looked up at her through sleep heavy eyes. "Because I haven't brushed my teeth and Mama says you have to brush your teeth before you go to sleep."

"Well your Mama is right but I think we can make an exception today," Santana reassured the youngster.

"But just this once," Rachel added, rubbing at her eyes as she pushed herself into a sitting position.

Santana watched as Rachel blinked rapidly trying to wake herself up. The moments after Rachel woke were always some of her favorite because the singer was always so cuddly yet grouchy at the same time.

"How long was I out?" Rachel asked.

"A few hours," Santana shrugged.

Lilah looked from her Mama to her Mami before finally settling her gaze on Rachel. "Mama can we all go out for dinner?"

"I er-"

"Not tonight Mija," Santana answered seeing Rachel's struggle, she knew that Rachel wanted nothing more than to grant her daughter's request but she also knew the pack of reporters outside would make an outing anything but enjoyable, especially if they spotted Rachel.

"How about you and I cook dinner together?" Santana offered as a compromise.

Lilah nodded her head excitedly. "Can we make waffles?"

"Waffles are not dinner," Rachel pointed out.

"Waffles can be whatever you want them to be," Lilah countered.

Rachel looked up at her daughter, her sleepy eyes suddenly wide in a questioning manner. "Says who?"

"Mami," Lilah replied, flashing her mother an innocent smile.

"I may have said something along those lines once upon a time," Santana admitted, mirroring Lilah's smile.

Knowing when she was beaten Rachel held up her hands in mock defeat. "Waffles it is. But I insist on there being at least some kind of fruit in the topping selection."

"Deal," Santana agreed.

"Can I stir?" Lilah asked as she followed Santana into the kitchen.

Lifting her up Santana placed Lilah on the counter. "Ok. But first you have to promise me that you will only destroy half the kitchen."

"Mami?" Lilah asked, watching as Santana made her way around the kitchen like she had never left.

"Yes?" Santana said as she put away the groceries that Blaine and Kurt had picked up.

"Are you coming back home for good because Mama and I would really like you too," Lilah questioned

The last thing Santana wanted to do was lie to Lilah but on the other hand she didn't want the little-girl's hopes shattered anymore than they already had been. "I don't know Baby Girl."

"Oh. Ok," Lilah whispered, her bottom lip quivering as she tried not to cry.

Putting the bag down Santana reached out and held Lilah's face gently in her hands. "Mija, I promise you no matter what happens you will always be the most important person in my world. I love you. You are my daughter and nothing will ever change that."

"Promise?" Lilah cried launching herself into Santana's arms.

"Promise," Santana vowed resting her head on top of Lilah's soft curls.

Wiping her eyes Lilah looked up at her Mami. "We should make the waffles, Mama is probably getting hungry."

"Want to help me set the table?" Santana asked, wanting to take Lilah's mind off of the current situation.

Lilah seemed to consider her offer for a few minutes before speaking. "Mami, why is there lots of people with cameras outside our house?"

"Because they have nothing better to do," Santana mumbled under her breath.

"Don't they have their own house to take pictures of?" Lilah wondered. "If they don't maybe we should take them some waffles, Mama says that it's good to help people who have no home."

Santana couldn't help but smile at her daughter's kind heart. "And she's right but they have homes Baby Girl, they just … it's complicated."

"They were at my dance class too," Lilah remembered.

"I know and that was wrong, they shouldn't have been there," Santana told her, wondering how to explain a situation that she didn't really understand herself to an innocent 5-year-old.

Lilah looked down at her hands. "They make Mama sad."

"I know," Santana sighed sadly.

"I don't like it when Mama is sad," Lilah admitted.

Lifting Lilah down off of the side she handed her a whisk and the bowl of waffle mixture. "Neither do I Mija, neither do I."

"I know," Lilah exclaimed, kneeling up in her seat. "We'll just have to make her happy again."

"You Lilah Rae are the most amazing daughter anyone could ever ask for, just having you around is all you're Mama needs to be happy," Santana reassured the youngster as she placed a kiss on top of her head.

Lilah shook her head. "Nah uh. She needs you too. Because we're a family of 3."

"The Three Musketeers," Santana added, remembering the nickname Hiram had given them just a few years ago.

"Can I have strawberry on my waffles?" Lilah asked as she whisked the mixture, her tongue sticking out between her lips as she concentrated hard on the task at hand.

Looking in the fridge Santana found a box of strawberries. "Yep. These will also fill your mother's fruit requirement."

"And chocolate sauce," Lilah added. "You can't have waffles without chocolate sauce."

Leaning against the door frame Rachel watched as Lilah handed Santana the waffle mix, smiling at the scene before her she realized how right it felt for Santana to be here, in their home helping look after their daughter.

"Need any help?" Rachel asked, making her presence known.

"Nope," Santana replied, the word popping as she spoke.

"Nope," Lilah echoed. "We got this," she added.

Wrapping her cardigan around herself Rachel leaned against the worktop. "Looks like you were never away," she observed.

"Well looks can be deceiving," Santana sighed sadly.

"Well seeing as the both of you seem to have everything in hand I'm going to go and take a shower," Rachel informed them as she watched the two of them argue playfully about how thick to make the waffles.

Santana stopped what she was doing and turned to face Rachel. "Everything ok?"

"Yes," Rachel fake smiled, the lie falling from her tongue easily.

Narrowing her eyes Santana walked over to the tiny brunette. "This is me Rach, I know you and that means I know when you're lying."

"I know," Rachel admitted. "And you're right everything isn't ok but it will be, it has to be. For Lilah everything has to be ok."

"And what about you?" Santana wondered.

Rachel looked across at her daughter. "I'm ok as long as long as she is. She's my reason San, if I didn't have her then there would be no reason to get out of bed in the morning."

"It doesn't have to be like that," Santana reminded her. "Yes Lilah's needs are important but so are yours, you've been through a lot Rach and you need to look after yourself too because you're no good to Lilah if you're exhausted."

"I know," Rachel admitted. "I'm working on it."

Leaning forward Santana placed a soft, gentle kiss on Rachel's cheek. "Until then I'm here Rach, for anything you and Lilah need I'm here."

"I've missed you," Rachel whispered, her voice barely audible over the sound of Lilah's soft singing, as she leaned forward, returning Santana's kiss before heading upstairs to the shower, comfortable in the knowledge that Lilah was in safe hands. Pausing as she climbed the stairs Rachel smiled to herself as she realized that for the first time in weeks she didn't feel alone.


End file.
